[Day 11 - Late Afternoon] Face-Off

[Moto Butaj]

"Yuki and I will find our way to do so." He quips, but his features ease. "If you truly honor this I will try to accommodate you on other issues. What do you want on your side?"

[Bayushi Hotaru]

Hotaru...had quite a personal list. It was only fair, as he would be bounded by traditional and bureaucratic contract to be her husband.

"I want you on my side, as my husband, when I need it in public. You'll need to serve the Clan loyally and compliment my duties as a shugenja. I don't dwell too much in political circles, so I will likely just need your sword. Children, that's something we must have in our relationship, at least two. We'll have to petition for new accommodations too, as mine are currently at the Shining Retreat. You can have your own room, if you wish, and I will have mine. If need be, we might have to move into one of the major cities." That were the basics, in her mind, but it was a start.

[Moto Butaj]

He tries to calm his own nerves enough to analyse what she is saying. He is not himself in this conversation, not known himself at least. To be as distrustful as he now must be, so not able to tell her to smile and promise that everything will be all right, like he would have and he have had to almost other person, causes him pain. But to make it right for Yuki in circumstances he hasn't chosen he has to violate and abuse who he is. He hopes not to be like this beyond this yurt, but also realises this might be a vain hope. So-called new life brings obliteration of some part self, and at this point there is not knowing how huge.

"I don't care where we will live but I prefer near open spaces, with a stable. The less suitable place you secure, the less you will see me in it. If there won't be another room, there will always be my yurt. I am not enslaved to any vision of a wooden place to call home. I am fortunate that the starlit sky has ever been my home." Butaj takes breath. "I will serve loyally to your lord, not you. You will see me representing our family when it's needed, if it requires me to stand by you, then so be it. But I will pursue other paths than to be a guardian of some shrine you find fancy. I will join the Scorpion military, maybe the Imperial Legions, maybe law enforcement like the Soshi I met, some other work that requires a life on the move. But don't count to leverage your dedication to whatever you're doing for the Fortunes with who I will be. I will have none of this temple business. I care not for your religious commitments. Not after I prayed to all of those gods only to be betrayed by their very voice." Here comes true difficulty. "I love children and I will invariably love ours. I will not make them suffer for the decisions you and I have made. So I won't allow myself to give you too many. Right now just one, the heir. Maybe another in a few years when I see you are respecting the rules we are making now, that you can live in the world they'll make for us... I will have a say in their education, I will help shape who they will become. Because of them maybe I'll be able to forgive you a little then, to form - I don't know - some rapport. But don't count on it too much." He takes another breath. "I will have children with Yuki, and I will love them deeply. I will do what I can with the resources I can muster to give them the best life their circumstances will allow. To make up to them in every possible way that they could have been born in a loving marriage if not for you. And I will hate you for any and all of their suffer...ings..."

Last words manage to leave his throat just barely. His heart is faltering, he doesn't know how much more he can bear this. Hopefully it won't be too long.

[Bayushi Hotaru]

Butaj's response was even longer than what she expected to hear from the Moto and not without additional terms attached to it. It did make her suspect whether he came really prepared or he had help. Hotaru gave Butaj a prolonged blink as she seemed to be taken aback by something he said. She looked rather wounded by his words in her eyes when she looked boldly at him.

"Haven't I been more than reasonable, given the circumstances? You're more than welcome to have a second life with your love, so long as your practice discretion out of the public eye for both our sakes. Asako Yuki-san, too, remember. You can have as many other children as you wish. I'm sure she will be as bright as the day, but there will be also a night when you're with me." She scoffed slightly as she was slightly at a loss for his audacity. "I allow you to push, generously, but you can only go so far until I push back."

"I will remain firm that there will be two children between us, at the very least. We will try for it, from the start. Given such turbulent times, one child is far too risky and too lonesome. Two children will invite good fortune between them. It also fulfills our obligation to the Clan when it comes to the future generation. There must be two children. If you wish to keep the circumstances of our arrangement a secret, I can comply with that wish. You're more than welcome to raise them, but I will never be too far regarding that. They are also going to be my children and not merely a surrendered token of a contract. I will be their mother. It fair, and that must be the case," she said firmly on the matter.

She let out a tense breath and glanced off as she rambled the rest of the terms with a toss of her hand. "And sure...there will be a stable. There will be another room. I'm sure open spaces will be possible if we stay in Tengoku's Path or depending on our mutual success if they choose to move us. You're not required to take part in my duties in the shrine, it's clear that it has left a bad taste in your mouth, I'm sure. I ask that you don't distance yourself so much that it seems that I am without a husband, even if you wish to make that the case. You wish to raise the children too, don't you? You can't them with you, not to a war zone, so don't wander far. I'm sure the Scorpion military will be more than willing to accept you, or if you wish to take up magistrate work. The latter will have much need for your horse skills."

[Moto Butaj]

Butaj listens to her with closed eyes. It helps him to remain cool and adamant. Seeing her raises ire and confusion in him, a powerful dissonance between how endearing, understanding and sensible she seems to be now, wounded by his abrasiveness and harsh terms he tries to impose, and the hurt she's done to him. He keeps his eyes shut to preserve his hate of her, he is wary that the more he witnesses from her, the more he may look at the situation through her eyes. He may start to believe that their marriage is something more than an evil made necessary by the cruelty of fate and people. Empathy can't have its way here, he has been fooled once by her gentle appeal before, lulled into a false sense of security and trust in her good intentions, he can't allow this again. He cannot. Not.

And yet, she's accommodated him on things that matter most, children with Yuki included, making her concessions feel repentant, or at least made with avoidance of conflict between them in mind for the time to come. He decides to keep his answers simple this time, so as not to give away his befuddlement, not to waver. "Very well, we'll be raising our... offspring toge... both. Very well, there will be times of presence between the times of absence. Very well, I won't speak against your priestly duties, nor will shun them in public."

The children. There is a lot of unease in thinking about the issue, much of it hard to give shape to even in his mind. And her words about night being theirs... are troubling. He opens his eyes and they meet hers. Bad move. Where is this sandalwood scent suddenly coming from? It hasn't been here before, he can swear.

"...and there will be two then, unless I see you going back on what you pledge to me now after the first. After the second, it... stops." Righteous rage remains the way to go. How old is she even? She's so petite and chipper he can't even tell, with the most of her hidden in that yurt amount of clothing. Even so, she looks so... easy to break. What seemed like an opportunity a moment ago now feels like a problem. "But... if from the start by some folly you mean right now, I don't think it's a good idea. I know it's a bad one. No woman, not even you, despite the weight of your offence, deserves to be taken by a man in my state of mind. If we are to love our child, it can't begin like this."

And yet, imagining himself as the lover he earnestly wished for her before Hotei feels wrong and makes him think ill of the Fortunes even more. A cruel play gods make.

[Bayushi Hotaru]

Hotaru fixed her gaze on the larger man, wondering if he was getting through to him at all on the matter. It was only when he opened his eyes with a response she straightened in her seat and looked at him carefully. She let out a small breath as she placed her hands on her knees, finally coming to some sort of compromise. It probably it was early to negotiate the specifics, but they were face to face at the moment.

"Fine, two then," she settled with her demands. A part of her wanted to push for more but she was perhaps being admittedly ambitious. She was concerned about how they could raise children together, with their father being missing half of the time and this distance between them. However, she imagined that eventually this would be considered normal, as abnormal as their relationship might be with each other. Such things will be sorted out, along with other complications, but she wanted to be sure that there was indeed life to be had in this marriage and even that life was only about the children they would be having.

She bit her lower lip with her gaze down at the tatami, finding it hard to blush at the moment but still feeling the slight pang of skittishness, pulling her arms back as she folded them together on her stomach. All this talk of babies, it never quite occurred to her to think about the act itself or anything intimate. Her sight was indeed more on the future than the immediate present. There were indeed going to be many mountains to scale before they reach that one down the road. She gave a small shake of her head, making it seem like it was something quite obvious. "Uhm, No, I never meant right now. We're not even married yet. I mean, eventually. Eventually, we need to do what is necessary to have a child."

[Moto Butaj]

That brings him some relief. Her defensiveness about intimacy at least tells Butaj that she has no intention to toy with him right now. Because if she did, their fledgeling agreement could quickly unravel. "It's for the better. I don't think I could make myself touch you right now anyway."

He needs another long pause to collect his thoughts, then suddenly produces a golden bracelet and tosses it toward her, onto the mat right before her knees.



"This was meant for my future wife. Who now is you. You should have it regardless of how I loathe giving you this. Not as a symbol of my devotion as I wanted it to be but as a reminder of your pledge to me, for you mustn't betray me again. Else I will pull the sky on your head and draw ground from your feet and my body and spirit won't rest until you pay. Take it and wear it, to never forget what you've done to Yuki and me." Butaj speaks dryly, initiating a perversion of the gift-giving Fukawa taught him, then glares at her, gauging her reaction.

[Bayushi Hotaru]

There was a glint of interest from her when she saw Butaj produce the bit of gold jewellery and tossed it before her. She looked quizzical at first and gingerly reach for it, picking it up in her hands as she gave it an examination and looked at the detailing of the horse heads on the bracelet. And what I am supposed to say? That he really shouldn't? That he should save it for his intended? That I don't deserve it?

"...I doubt that I would forget what I've done, with you by my side and all of the words you've said to me. The Unicorn have long proven the sincerity of their words and it's no different here." She said carefully on the matter with a glance directed at him, considering the looming threats he had been giving her ever since they sat together today.

Her eyes drifted off and looked at the bracelet again. She found it to be well crafted and quite pretty, quite easily the most exquisite shackle she had seen in her life.

[Moto Butaj]

He watches as she picks it up and examines in her hands, her petite fingers brushing along the artfully cast specie. The bracelet has its non-negligible weight.

"Our names will be bound together. My shame will be more shame. Your Scorpion brethren may shun me for having a private life with Yuki. My discretion may be no barrier to them. Your family may venomously speak or ruthlessly act against her for your sake even as you will idly stand by, looking the other way. Know that in my eyes all and any harm dealt to her by yours will be as you've done it yourself. It is on you to make your kin accept our arrangement and turn their gazes elsewhere. The bracelet binds us in this as well, and you mustn't forget it. So have it and wear it as a symbol of this commitment."

[Bayushi Hotaru]

Hotaru slowly raised her brows at him as she felt the audacity of his words grow. It was more threats, to be sure, going from defensive threatening from what she could do to them to the offensive threatening of what she must do for them. Or else, of course.

She carefully enunciated her words like she was walking on a tight rope. "...I thought you and Asako-san will have that covered on your own, as you said. Bringing me into your business will certainly involve me more than your liking, and probably that of Asako-san too. I'd rather keep my distance. You already have my word that I'm not going to do anything to prevent...whatever sort of affair you wish to have with her. It would be only foolish me to direct attention to your actions. You're going to be my husband, a family, Moto-san. I know very well that protecting you will be protecting me. These demands alone, are hard enough that they might even transmute rock into gold. The lovely token seems extraneous by comparison." She said as her second vague sort of refusal to the shackle that had been given to her

[Moto Butaj]

Her answer bites back, and he needs a moment to recollect. For all his struggle with himself to see this through he is so unaccustomed to being hurtful that her well-reasoned words almost throw off his play. He recollects how his heart stopped when he saw Yuki collapse after Hotaru's choice and it helps him find resolve. To get out of confusion he chooses to fall back to what he feels is right. Being honest.

"You know how much I love her. All else follows from that. My hatred for what you've done, my desire to keep her safe by all means necessary. I care about myself far less in this really. I was not a monster the situation has made me, and I prefer not to have to be in the future. But right now I hate you and I am angry at you, and it makes me a lesser, wrecked man." He is true about his feelings, though outward signs of it have mostly vanished by this point, his fists and jaw unclenched. "That our marriage is founded on a deep wound that may never heal pains me, it is what it is though. But I am making this last leap of good faith because it looks like it's slightly better than just walking away or any other way to go about it. For her, and for our Clans too, yours and mine. You and I share stakes in doing what needs to be done to keep... it all from unraveling. If you keep your promises to me, it will be hard for me to hate you without end. If we manage to keep it going, there will probably be better times in our marriage, even if not soon." Saying this much is a concession, but at this moment he thinks it's a necessary one to give her a sense of purpose. And he is not fooling her. In his heart he knows that once Hotaru becomes the mother of his children it will be difficult for him to keep despising her with the same vehemence. "I want you to stay away, I want all others to stay away, and I will be doing my best to make it so, but I am stepping into a family I know almost nothing about except for what I've seen... from you. So I think this can only work if we both make sure it works. Just because other options are worse. This is a strange bond, but this is the only one we can have. Take this bracelet from me and wear it to make peace with it." He pauses. "Hotaru."

He looks at her straight. There is more despair than anything else in his gaze now. They both have their backs to the wall. It's just the room that is cramped.

[Bayushi Hotaru]

"You haven't made your hate and angry of me for what I've done a secret. Believe me!" She couldn't help but let out a strained chortle with a small shake of her head, wondering if Butaj thought he was being too subtle about it.

"No," she said firmly at first. "I don't expect you, or Asako-sama, or any others to forgive so easily or anytime soon. I've been willing to talk and make great concessions to bridge that massive gap. I'm sure that you need to see some action before you look at me with kinder eyes. It is my hope that this bracelet doesn't become a symbol of loss, hate or disdain. It would be a shame if its lustre was tarnished in that sense. I'll take this bracelet, to show my first action to our commitment."

With that, she gingerly slipped it on her right wrist. She brushed some of her hair behind her right ear, carefully to not entangle it her long tresses, and looked Butaj intently. Her words were courteous, as one receiving any proper gift, although the name was addressed just as personally. "Thank you, Butaj."

[Moto Butaj]

He sighs and nods slowly as his shoulders slump a little, after what has felt like a titanic mental effort. For now, his fire has run out of brimstone though the toxic ash feels as unpalatable. When he looks at Hotaru with his energy-drained eyes, he realises that loathing her doesn't feel good. It diminishes him, just like he said. But neither can he forgive her, it's not a choice he can physically make. But is it how it will look like: loss, hate, disdain, for the rest of it? She doesn't want this, this much she professes. Perhaps it would be better to just leave now, but his pursuit of honesty and truth prevails. He takes advantage of her straight gaze to confront her with his.

"So this is your hope... But before any of that can even loom, I need to understand. Is it because you were jealous? You saw a man capable and unafraid of loving truly and wagered that it can just... change focus?" He pauses, being intent too. "Because if it was just about my skills for your Clan, I don't think you would care."

[Bayushi Hotaru]

Hotaru raised her brows at Butaj before answer. "As much as you may think otherwise, I have nothing against you and Asako-sama. Admittedly, I did see that you had a great capacity for energy and a strong spirit behind all of your emotions. However, I can see that now that was only possible because of her. It was rather foolish of me that your purpose was your key muse. You did mention that you were a skilled warrior and we did share at least some hobbies. Now, I have a tiny bit of you and only because by contract, but all of you belong to Asako Yuki-sama."

[Moto Butaj]

He tries to peel and part her words to make sense of them. At the very least, he can actually contemplate them rather than become indignant. He studies her face with a grimace which eases as he does so, her raised brow lines and the strand dyed red. "I think... you're right. She's that. Last night I defeated the strongest of the Lions here barehanded when she was cheering me. If it is Butaj the warrior you want, I am stronger thanks to her." Hotaru's odd fairness is befuddling him. He rubs his temples and stubbled cheeks. "If it is truly your misunderstanding and carelessness you and I will be paying for now, then... hmmm." He does not truly believe her, but neither he can dismiss the idea that what she has done is mostly a costly mistake. "In the end it's more than a little bit, I feel. But at least I don't think it's too much now." He sighs. "It's truly a pity we didn't talk more with each other before this." He has entered the tent as the victim, but right now he can't stop himself from pitying her a little. If she is settling for this little, how low her expectations may have been in the first place. Maybe he was complicit in raising her hopes that has led to this? He blinks several times before asking. "I will probably winter with my kin. Is there something you would like to ask of me or know before we part ways for the coming months?"