Udo bows. "Thank you. Monks train for years to master their bodies and their minds. I spend hours a day meditating to better know myself. This may be a cause for my acceptance, and my knowledge that Chi-Pu will return in a new life."
Udo smiles ruefully and continues. "It has made it easier to accept that I have faults and that Chi-pu died, but that my faults are not the cause of her death. Had I not had those faults, perhaps she would be alive, but my having them is not why she died.
"That rests on the orochi that attacked us."
Udo looks over the field. "You know, many Togashi are not born into the family; we are adopted as children because our parents could not afford to feed us. I am one such child. If I had been born a man, I could have brought home koku or food and stayed with my parents, but I was not born a man. This does not mean that it is my fault that I was given to the Togashi. I had weakness, but it was the weakness of a child."
He takes a few steps. "Chi-Pu showed no weakness. She had the strength of one who has seen battle. Who has lived a hard life. In that battle, I learned that I am still but a child. Her death is not my fault, but it did show me that I need to grow up. That I need to do more. That I need to do better.
"If I was a man, perhaps I could have saved her. So I have vowed to myself to become a man and stop being a child."