Hard Conversations (Day 7, Early morning, Kogo's Yurt)

[Shinjo Akil]

Akil took a sharp breath as he made his way to Kogo's yurt. This conversation was going to be difficult... but he knew it necessary, and he could not in good conscience delay this any further. He looked to the tent flap and sighed, before speaking in a clear tone. "Matsu-san? It is Shinjo Akil."

[Matsu Kogo]

Kogo woke up well this morning, no worse for some star gazing. She had been tidying her yurt and thinking over the past day when she heard Akil's voice. Cursing herself for getting excited for a brief moment, she says, "One moment!" She looks throughout the yurt, making sure everything is all right. Her face, she shall leave as is. It is not as if that will make a difference today. She moves to the front flap, a slight smile on her face. "Come in Shinjo-san."

[Shinjo Akil]

Akil nodded and stepped in slowly. Another sharp inhale. "I hope yesterday was pleasant for you," he offered as he found a place to stand.

[Matsu Kogo]

She looks at his discomfort, where previously he was so comfortable. Ahhh Kogo. Here is heartbreak indeed. Steel yourself.
"I did. I spent a pleasant morning with one of your kinsman, Shinjo Monkhbaatar. He is an honorable man. I nearly succeeded at the lancing, which pleased me. I had hoped to win some points and improve my standings." She looks at him directly, a Matsu's fire in her eyes. "But I suspect I shall not need them for you Akil-san. You have already chosen, in your heart."

[Shinjo Akil]

He shook his head at her statement. "Not my heart. My heart refused to choose, so my head chose for me." He exhaled deeply. "The Crane are a sensible clan for my skillset," eyes looking to her. She wouldn't want him to look away, no matter how much he screamed internally to do so. "Kogo-san, I... I'm sorry. I did not make the choice because I like her better than you."

[Matsu Kogo]

The fire flares inside of her for a brief moment, at his first lines. Then it banks and dies. Her face grows cold, like a perfect mask. "I see..."

[Shinjo Akil]

He watched her expression change, and his face darkens. A hand starts to reach out towards her... then retreats, knowing that there is little comfort he could offer. "I... I am sorry," his voice was shaken, "I never intended to do you harm."

[Matsu Kogo]

She looks at him, seeing his concern and also his lack of strength in this moment. How did I think this would ever work? Look at him...I did not see him truly until this moment. He can barely look me in the eye. "Intent, in battle and in love, means little. It is results that matter." She takes a short breath, seeking to calm the rage that is burning inside of her.

[Shinjo Akil]

"I know," he stated simply, taking a breath.

[Matsu Kogo]

Her head snaps up, the rage evident in her eyes, despite her tight control. "You know? Well that is convenient Akil-san. I am glad that I do not have to enlighten such an honorable samurai as yourself. That would be a pity." She takes a deep breath, trying to regain control. She reaches over to produce a fan, the fan she had created at the poetry event. "Perhaps you should take this fitting gesture of our time together. I would not wish for you to forget me too quickly, in the arms of your Crane bride. After all, you are the first one who ever called me a poet."



/ooc the fan has inscribed on it in fairly good calligraphy.

Rain pours down to hide
What should have been joyous
Now to be erased

I hate poetry
It is merely a pretty lie

[Shinjo Akil]

"I do not need a reminder," his voice tightened, holding something back. "I never intend to forget you no matter what happens."

[Matsu Kogo]

She looks at him, disbelieving. How can he....Why does he penetrate my defenses so easily? Curse him. "I find that difficult to believe. Please, let me assist you Shinjo-sama (she says with a particular cut to the words, the letter of courtesy but not the spirit). Accept my humble offering."

[Shinjo Akil]

"So what? So I can stare at it and remind myself of my own mistakes instead of remembering when we were able to be happy around each other?" His voice was almost a snap. "I would rather not, thank you."

[Matsu Kogo]

His words are like a spear to her heart. Curse him. Curse my soft heart. Curse it failing me now.... Her eyes have a certain sheen to them, but she fights this shame. "At least it will not be left to me to contemplate. It would be better served being with you. A fan is a necessary item in Crane lands." Her throat clogs for a moment and she pauses, unable to go on for a brief moment. "I would not see you shamed. Even now."

[Shinjo Akil]

"I..." he stopped, mouth agape for a long moment. "I understand." He reached for the fan. "I have apologized to you so many times in just four days and I feel it is not near enough. I am so sorry."