A Walk To Nowhere (D5 LE)

[Suki]

"There are opportunities beyond this miai. In these, perhaps, Yogo-sama could find her way to this man? That said, love need not be diminished by distance. While togetherness is ideal, in the face of an impossibility, one can still draw wisdom and serenity from understanding what we've had, and what we still have."

Suki fell silent for a few seconds, looking out into the darkness. "This one has sensed a greater conflict here, Yogo-sama; one that she has touched on just slightly. Before Yogo-sama will be able to both love someone and find your center, you must come to love yourself."

[Yogo Mizuki]

"Find him for what purpose? So I can hurt him more? Maybe he isn't the one I will love most." A disturbing thought. After all, isn't the Curse supposed to be the worst betrayal?

"What is there to love? My existence has caused nothing but pain. Even now, I betray one lover and use the other."

Mizuki looks at the monk. "Suki-san, please understand, telling a Yogo they need to love themselves is like... telling the fire kami the need to move the earth."

[Suki]

"It may feel that way at times, Yogo-sama," she began, "but you are not the curse. Nor are you unworthy of love. In the minutes we have been talking, you've shown compassion, concern, a want to do what is right, and an inner turmoil born of loyalty. With such traits, how could you be undeserving of love?"

"As for the situation with you find yourself in, this one is reminded of the tale of the two monks at the river-

A senior monk and a junior monk where traveling together. At one point, they came to a river with a powerful current. As the monks prepared to cross the river, they saw a young and very beautiful woman attempting to cross. The woman called to them, asking them to help her cross to the other side.

The two monks glanced at one another, for they had taken vows not to touch a woman.

Then, without a word, the older monk picked up the woman, put her on his shoulders, carried her across the river, placed her gently on the other side, and carried on with his journey.

The younger monk could not believe what had happened. After rejoining his companion, he was speechless for an entire hour. Then for two more.

Finally, the young monk could contain himself no longer. He blurted out "As monks, we are not permitted to touch a woman. How could you then carry that woman on your shoulders."

The older monk looked at him and replied "I set her down on the other side of the river. Why are you still carrying her?"

Suki finished the parable and looked up at Mizuki. "Such is the way of all things. You carry much weight on your shoulders, Yogo-sama. While your heart is in the right place, in seeking to protect those you love, you are harming yourself. Those that truly love you will be prepared to aid you in taking this burden from your shoulders. Until you can find your center and cast it aside, in the very least, they will share the burden."

[Yogo Mizuki]

"If only it was that easy. The Curse.... It feels like a sword on your neck. You know it's going to cut, but you're not sure when or who else it is going to take."

Mizuki shakes her head. "Of course, it is not just the Curse. I can't blame that on last night. How do you repair a thread that is cut? Should you even repair it?"

[Suki]

"This one did not say the solution would be easy. Understanding what must be done and performing the action are two very different things. Though this one seeks to offer answers, she understands that matters of the heart are incredibly complicated." Especially for samurai.

"As for the thread, who is to say that it is cut? You still love this man. If he returns your love, he will accept that you gave in, in one instance, to the sin of desire. Though we try to avoid it, all but the most enlightened among us have moments where we stray from the path. The important thing is that we learn from what we've done, and find our way back."

"If someone loves you Yogo-sama, they know of the curse. They have taken its burden into consideration and they love you anywhere. They are prepared to whether the storm of betrayal and to remain by your side all the same."

"You must reach a conclusion, Yogo-sama. Does the guilt you're feeling stem from believing you wronged the one you love? Or is it tied to your struggles with self-love? If the former, you could seek forgiveness and acceptance from the ones you love. If the latter, you must focus on coming to terms with being separate from your family's curse."

[Yogo Mizuki]

Mizuki was silent looking at the fire for a long time. It felt like hours. It could have just been a few moments. She couldn't tell.

She should seek Sutiechi and ask for his forgiveness. After, father forgave mother. Her Curse was giving birth to Mizuki. The cheating on father? That was on her. Mizuki was not sure if Sutiechi would forgive her. But if he didn't, that would be alright. She would move on. Maybe it would be better if he didn't. But she still had to try. Even if it is to just let him go.

And the Curse? Could she seperate herself from it? She has grown up a symbol of betrayal. She remembers her father. He tried to be her father. But always the pain of the eyes. Every time he looked at her, she reminded him of her mother's betrayal. She knows he hates her for that. But he tried. She will always love her father for that. And her mother? Maybe she loves Mizuki. But she sees only her shame and betrayal when she looks at her daughter. She remembers a few times when her mother gave her affection. But she remembers the eyes that wished she had never been born even more. At least, Mizuki's father attempted to be a father.

If she wasn't betrayal personified, who would she be? What did Sutiechi or Yue see in her? Mizuki didn't know the answers to those questions. She loved being a Yogo. What other Family could survive a Curse like this? She took great pride in that name. But Mizuki? Who was she? Why should she care?

Finally Mizuki spoke. "I think my struggles lie in both. Asking my love for forgiveness.... that I can do. Separating myself from my Curse.... I don't know. If Lady Sun came down and removed it, I would not know who I am. Thank you, Suki-san. You have been a big help." At least, I know what to do with Sutiechi.

[Suki]

Suki nodded at the Yogo's words and bowed at her thanks.

"Of course, Yogo-sama. It is what this one is here for."

"One thing that this one has found useful," she added, "is we must learn to live in the present. Lamenting the past. Worrying what the future will bring. These only serve to keep us from maintaining our center. We cannot change the past and most of us cannot predict the future. The most we can do is live and love well in the now."

[Yogo Mizuki]

"I will think upon your words." Wanting to change the subject some, Mizuki asks a question. "Are you from around these lands, Suki-san?"

[Suki]

"She is not. Members of this one's Order traveled from Mamoru Kyotei Toshi. Shiba provinces," she clarified.

[Yogo Mizuki]

"Oh. What brought you all this way?"