Eye of the Tiger [Kogo's Yurt, D5, EA, Closed]

[Shinjo Akil]

He was still listening, speaking only after her last pause. "And then what happened?" Was all he offered.

[Matsu Kogo]

She shook her head. "She declared she would be no man's bride. Though she had lost the duel, she would not marry Akodo-no-kami." She paused. "It is said that later, when Akodo-no-kami asked her why she had refused him and married another. She said it was because she did not wish to be known as the wife of Akodo-no-kami but wished her husband to know as the husband of Matsu. She did not wish to be eclipsed in another's glory." She paused, taking a deep breath and looking over his face for a moment, gauging his reaction. Her makeup seemed almost like a Scorpion's mask for a moment, so different did she look.

[Shinjo Akil]

He listened closely, nodding. "And the Matsu have largely followed her example, I must imagine."

[Matsu Kogo]

She nods. "When the Matsu women stay within the family, they keep their name and the man they marry takes their's. When men of the Matsu marry out, they leave their name behind." She looked at him closely. "A Matsu does not grovel. They do not beg, they do not cajole. I bent to your customs and accommodated myself to woo you. I listened, I watched. I considered taking your name. I considered leaving my family. I tamed my fire, so that it could be a glow for you to warm your hands. " She looks at him, intent, with the anger showing through, like cracking fire through her mask.

"I have no interest in being someone's second choice, particularly not next to a Crane courtier. If you cannot see the value of I, who am in front of you, then rest assured, others will and already have. " She leaned back into the cushions, her point made, waiting for his move.

[Shinjo Akil]

Akil listened to her words, closing his eyes and accepting every one of them. Once she was finished, his eyes opened again, his tone even and calm. "Why do you think you are my second choice?"

[Matsu Kogo]

Her eyes flash up, intent. "What else could it be, that you would tell me you are as much as promised to a Crane maiden, but that we could still "be friends" after? How do you imagine that would be? The Crane and the Lion are not precisely on the best of terms at the best of times. The likelihood that I would see you decreases immensely with that choice." She frowns. "I am no Scorpion or Crane to enjoy the furtive deception of kissing in the shadows. " Sorry Bayushi-san, but its at least a little true.
Your family has a fondness for deception I suspect I will never understand.

[Shinjo Akil]

His eyes close again, the sting of every word hitting him like a brick. His eyes opened, and still he is serene, despite the pain in each word. "I told you that because I look at the standings... And I know where things are likely to end." He takes a breath. "Do you know what I would do if the choice were laid at my feet and no one else's? Because I have no idea."

[Matsu Kogo]

Her eyes flash. "Neither do I. I cannot tell you what you should do or would do. Your choices are yours alone. But your destiny is your own, though you speak of standings. You hide behind them because you do not wish to make a choice." She looks him directly in the eye. "But this miai has 5 days left. Either you will make a choice or a choice will be made for you. And I will not wail or weep on your shoulders for you to love me more than this Doji."

She looks at him closely, her eyes softening for just a moment. "Where is the heart I heard sung of, the bravery, the decisiveness? Did you leave it on that battlefield, so long ago? Did you seek to kill your own fire, as I did, to traipse in a courtier's robes?"

[Shinjo Akil]

"I do not want you to weep for me to love you," he shook his head, "I do not want anyone to weep because of me." His eyes stayed with hers, even as he considered his next words. "I resigned myself to putting away my sword. Perhaps my fire was extinguished, Kogo-sama," the moment of daring even caused him to stop for a brief second. "I could choose, I could alienate one of you..." his eyes were downcast, "but that would bring me into my own despair. How am I meant to choose to earn the ire of someone I care deeply about, Kogo-sama? I don't know the answer to this."

[Matsu Kogo]

Her posture faded, losing its fierceness for a moment. "Neither do I Akil-san. But I know that should you marry the Doji, I cannot be with you as you said. I am not one who can share herself between two people. You may call me foolish if you wish. But I have no desire for a love of furtive embraces and locked doors and secret notes. It is not in me. My pride will not permit it." She pauses. "To be hidden is too much like shame. I will not be with one who is ashamed of being with me. I will not."

[Shinjo Akil]

"Ashamed?" He blinked, almost incredulous, "how could I be ashamed be with the person I gave my first kiss to?" His tone was more fierce than he had intended, and he stopped and blinked as he realized how fired up he had became.

[Matsu Kogo]

Kogo blinked, stirred by his own response. "Your....first?" She looked at him with a different eye now, moving slightly closer. "But..." Kogo stares at him, unable to find a response. Is it possible? Have I misunderstood him? "I don't understand."

[Shinjo Akil]

He looked to her, his head canted. "I had never kissed anyone before last night. Doji Fukawa I imagine won't broach the concept until she is married, proper as she is. And, well, I had never met any within my own clan that had me so interested. I let you kiss me because I could imagine only two people I would want to share that moment with, and you were... are one of them."

He took a breath, before continuing. "My feelings for both of you are not some political ploy, or some play at ensuring that I have a back up plan. The idea of that to me is distasteful. I..." his eyes closed, a tear starting to form in each, "I find myself resenting a situation that forces me to make an impossible choice."

[Matsu Kogo]

She was shocked, to say the least. "Akil-kun, I did not realize. I am sorry, I did not mean to..." She pauses. She looks into his eyes, striving to see if he is sincere. She can see nothing that indicates otherwise, the tears move her more than anything she suspected.

Why does this man inspire such emotion in me? One minute I rage at him, the other I wish to hold him close. It is like living in a typhoon!

She bows her head, looking to the floor. "I am sorry. I....let my hurt feelings take control of me. I was so convinced....that it was a ploy. That you had merely enjoyed my kisses because you could and because I was....there. Forgive me. I have misjudged you."

[Shinjo Akil]

"No, I should be asking your forgiveness," he spoke calmly, "I should have spoken with absolute clarity before I allowed the kiss." He looked up to her again. "Please, forgive me for being so thoughtless to you."